I have an app on my phone that lets me know how much time I have spent each week on social media. I have my daily limit set for 30 minutes, but let’s be honest – I override that all the time. For the past couple years my weekly update of screen time would consistently be 3-3.5 hours and to be honest, I felt like that was a lot. But I do use my phone for work, book/writing/marketing purposes and the connection tools we all have come to rely on. I have no game apps. I don’t have TikTok. Wordle is gone. X has banned me. So, I felt balanced. I was ok with that number, but I was still trying to make it even less. I value time. Or, so I thought.
Fast forward to last month and the most shameful update ever.
7.5 hours of screen time in a week.
I was stunned. Friends, that’s equivalent to an entire workday of scrolling. And I have a full-time job! And a busy life. So in addition to my robust calendar, I also spent an entire day on my phone, staring at a little screen while I watched the lives of other people doing the most random things. Yes, I am looking at you – guy who mows really out-of-control lawns. I do occasionally wake up in the middle of the night for no reason, and get sucked into delirium middle-age scrolling. (Oh wait, that’s the reason.)
But still.
Unwilling to accept that this time-loss addiction was my new reality, in the days that followed I made some adjustments. I walked around our whole town with my friend, we even briefly talked about taking up pickleball. I visited the library and got a big ol’ stack of thick books. I made an overdue visit to a cousin in long-term care. I set up a lunch with my Dad, and had coffee with a couple friends. Played extra with my sweetie grandkids. I deleted threads off my phone, and made my husband walk with me every night around our neighbourhood. I dragged out my laptop and the unfinished manuscripts I need to get back to and I spent lots of time in the garden. Friends, I even went to a bowling alley. Tried to leave my phone in other rooms, and worked on remembering what I used to do with my life without it.
I felt less shame.
But I’ll be honest, while this month overall the time has decreased, I have come to realize my utter dependence on the little device I hold in my hand. Watching the lives of other people as I forget about the purposes of my own. Being influenced by strangers while neglecting relationships around me. Letting my own projects and goals sit stagnant, questioning why I’m not seeing much traction. Wondering how to function in a world where it’s crucial to connect (FaceTime is a gift for my family because of location), but wishing to break free and experience life again with a freedom that doesn’t worry about likes, views, and posts because I have books to sell.
Doesn’t that sound nice?
Just living life?
Do we even know how to do that anymore?
We can’t go back, and I don’t want to. But there has to be this middle place where we can exist. Maybe you all know the secret, and I’m the one with the problem. Please advise accordingly.
I’m going to figure it out. How to fully live, and be part of a life that I love while still being connected in a healthy way that supports the work that I do.
And, I have 7.5 extra hours a week, to think about it all.