It’s not all put together like it used to be.

Me, I mean, and all my misplaced parts.

My jumbled-up self. Stumbling a little through life, not always sure of the steps or the path, often wandering to find the right light.

Bones held together by skin, all working together to do their best. But nothing is perfect, as hard as I try, and right there in the middle of everything is my heart beating so loudly, I wonder if the world might start to shake.

What would a doctor even think, if my true heart sounds could be heard?

The centre of me feeling broken and achy, grief travelling right up my throat as I pull the tears back before they trickle down my face. Sometimes worn out on my sleeve, visible and vulnerable for the world to see. And when brushed off, often broken and beat up, is tucked away and buried until the next time when (or if) I’m brave enough to bring it out again. On the worst days, its cadence tapping along to deep issues not resolved that rise up to the surface in reflections that I don’t desire to see.

No stethoscope a match for my irregular rhythms.

I look in the mirror and I wonder why I need surgery once again.
My misplaced parts.
My weary-beating heart.

But it keeps going, so I keep going too. 100,000 beats a day, pulling me along. I need it to survive, and it needs me to try. So I wrap it up, pull it together so that everything stays tight.

Because it’s good too.
My worn-in heart.

Filled with hope and love, wanting the best for others and seeking the best path it’s Maker has for me. Always looking for ways to pull the rest of me in, to heal and mend, and to be my best version always.

And aren’t we all just wandering around, an army of heart-bearers with misplaced parts? Doing the best we can, to live out our beats. Because here’s the thing, when the heart things are hard – boy they are hard. But what also flows out of the heart, are ALL the best things if taken care of and tended to well.

So I won’t despise my imperfect heart.
But guard it.
Remember that everything flows from it.

And keep doing my best.
Me and all my misplaced parts.