It’s that time again. Downloading the app to see my 2019 #bestnine pictures from Instagram. (I’m a bit of a sucker for stuff like that.)
The results are very Hannah-centred this year (sorry the rest of you, she had lots going on!) and as I look back and reflect – I am amazed and so thankful for everything that has happened in the past 12 months. There has been much joy, unexpected paths and new beginnings. But I can’t think about all the goodness, without reflecting on the harder moments. There’s no app for that, because those are the pictures that don’t make the highlight reel.
I remember the painful process of leaving my job. Facing future unknowns. Almost crying myself off the road. An anxiety attack (The day I learned who I am). Relationship rejection. Wrestling through identity. Watching my mom further decline. Messes and stresses I’ve found myself in.
My perfectly-manicured life unhinged and real. What you don’t see behind the perfect-posed, much-loved and filtered #bestnine pictures.
I love the #bestnine.
But a #worstnine exists too.
You can’t have a best without the worst.
But the worst won’t define my year. There has always been something to be thankful for. Even in the harder moments, there’s been a faith and grace that has always carried me through. Making what is worse, an opportunity for best.
Maybe there should be a #middlenine?
In the middle of the best and the worst, is the tightrope of real life. Where you have to learn to balance, where you go up the hills and down the valleys and you try to find that place where there’s stability and hope to make it through each day.
Where the worst doesn’t take you down in one swoop.
And the best doesn’t make you think your an invincible superhero.
Life in either extreme isn’t healthy.
We have the worst days.
We have the best days.
And what makes up the rest of the time are the days in between.
Those are the days that I want to make count in 2020.
I’ll live aiming for best, but no matter what comes my way I will walk with joy through it all.
When I look at my #bestnine I remember each moment, and what was happening during those days and hours that engulf those memories. Family time, amazing kids, milestones, goals set and met and time well spent pursuing passion and dreams. I’m reminded that some of those best moments came out of some of the hardest. In the background of some of the #bestnine were some of the circumstances of the #worstnine.
Working together as unlikely partners.
Reminders that joy comes in the morning, and steps of dancing can come after seasons of tears.
No matter the season, I’ve never been forgotten or alone on either side.
My best days, are made better when I’ve come through the worse.
My worst days have hope because I believe for the best.
Every valley and mountain a part of the journey.
So, embrace it all.
All the days in between.