When you feel like you are failing.

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I remember when my husband and I were going on a recent vacation, by OURSELVES. As it started he casually asked me, “So, are we trying to make friends on this trip?” I looked at him in horror through my introverted eyes, “FRIENDS? Are you CRAZY? I don’t go on vacation to make friends! I’m failing at keeping up with real life friends! I can’t add vacation friends into the mix.” Poor extroverted husband. Getting the stink eye if he made any friendly gestures towards anyone. Yet, when we returned home and I settled back into my routine, I realized that this stage of life with all its responsibilities pulls at us from many directions. Sometimes it gets lonely. Maybe vacation friends would have been nice.

I always feel like I’m failing in relationships

I have the best intentions, I really do. I like people. I like friends. Fun is good. I enjoy a  belly ache laugh. But life takes over. I know what an intense week of work looks like, and what I can handle when the needs of home are added. It doesn’t matter what’s happening, children need food, the house needs to function and in the middle of it all I want to actually be present mentally as a mom and wife. Yet, despite my best efforts things often get missed and I start to despise the word busy.

I always feel like I’m failing at home

Outside our walls are my extended family who have their own stories, their own journeys that they are navigating.  I want to be the best sister/daughter/auntie/niece/cousin that I can be. But the clock always ticks. Time never stops and even the best intentions often pass by. Not for a lack of caring but for a lack of margin that always seems to prevent living out what my heart wants to contribute. No matter what do, I feel like it’s not enough and when I can’t do anything I’m plagued by guilt.

I always feel like I’m failing my family

So what chance do my passions have? Every day I see things that inspire me that I want to take part of. I’m an early adopter by nature, if you tell me a great idea most likely I will say, “I’m in!” Then, “in” comes and often I have to back out. I’ve over committed and suddenly realized that there is no way I can participate or my already teetering world might come crashing down around me. So I become the person that bails, I hate being the person that bails.

I’m always feel like I’m failing my passions

All these feelings try to take over.

But then, I take a step back.  I get some perspective. Inhale a few deep breathes. I haven’t been called to be everything to everyone. That’s a lot of pressure. I’m not a failure.

I’m one person. I have to make the best decisions based on where things are at and remember that seasons come and go. Maybe this is my season to invest in my family and not take on too many other commitments. Perhaps the best use of my time right now is to make sure that I have some time. Maybe I’ll see the most amazing things come out of the margin I make.

It’s time to stop with the guilt. All of us. Juggling, trying to keep up, fit it all in, stay included, be heard, contribute, fix things, succeed and be the superhero of the world.

He’s given you the exact strength you need to look after what He’s put in your hands. 

I’m not saying that we step back from everything. I’m a yes person and I don’t want that to change. Maybe it’s your season to go for it all. But if it’s your season to slow down, that’s ok too.  Be faithful in holding whatever the season is,  even if it doesn’t feel like enough. You’re not failing. You’re holding onto what He’s given you.  That’s important. He knows the capacity of your hands. As you are faithful, He will give you more. And regardless of the season, He’s right there with you. You are never alone.

Worry less about failure and work on faithfulness.

Flourish where He has you.

You are not failing when you are faithful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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