There’s always a big cheer, a big mantra. It goes something like this, “Follow your dreams! You can do it! The sky is the limit!” People say it to you. You believe it. You believe that they believe in you. It’s all fuzzy and warm.
But the cheer changes. People think what you do isn’t of value. You are accused of being a self-promoter. What you do is mocked. You’re afraid to express who you really are because everyone is watching to see what you will do next. Almost waiting for you to fail. Whispering about your qualifications and motives and what you do or don’t deserve.
It’s hard to find an authentic voice in this tension. It’s hard to share who you really are, in our instant culture of hate and criticism. Sometimes it would be nice to go back to the days of books and paper. The days of stamps and mail. The days when pressing post didn’t mean you were ripping your heart open to see if you’d be embraced, or have salt poured in your wounds. The days when you could get rooted in your art enough that a letter slowly making its way across the country by horseback would arrive, and not drive itself immediately deep into your soul because you had time to believe and be confident in what you were doing.
I know, no one makes us share. No one forces us to write. No one makes us put ourselves out there. But for some, it’s a calling. For some, its life. For some, it’s air.
God works through words.
God works through stories
Why it is hard?
I have a couple of books I’m reading right now. They are so authentic and raw. They are so open and honest, and they affect me with their transparency. I want to be transparent. But I care too much about perception. It’s hard to walk through the office, go to your small group, hang out with your friends when they know your realities.
But maybe that is the first step. Maybe that’s how we do life together authentically. Maybe that’s how we get past our perfectly posted lives and into the mess.
I hate mess.
I have mess.
I’m looking for a counsellor right now because of situations in my life I don’t know how to cope with.
Sometimes I am so plagued by insecurity I can’t even breath. It turns into anxiety and it takes every ounce I have to move forward.
I’m deeply afraid that something bad will happen to me or a member of my family.
I never watch any segments I do because I shut down for a couple of days.
I’ve become increasingly introverted this past year, I don’t know if its ok.
But in my mess, is life.
A God who gives strength
A God who gives hope
A God who holds me up when I don’t know how to stand on my own
A God who speaks life into my heart through the promises he’s made
A God who fills my spirit when it’s dry
A God who says, “I love you. I know the plan I have for you. It’s a good plan, stick close to me, we will get through this together. You are strong. You can do it. You are not walking alone. You are never alone, no matter how desolate you feel. I have you right where I want you. Breathe. It’s going to be ok. I’m right beside you. I’ve got your back. I have your heart. Ignore the lies, you are my creation. Trust me in all your situations, I’m here. Call out to me.I believe in you. Don’t forget the promises, don’t lose the calling. Be who I’ve created you to be.”
His truth pouring out over my life, soaking me, almost drowning me in his love.
Leading me to live an authentic life.
Calling me out to share authentic life.
It’s kinda messy. I’m not sure I want to share it. I don’t know how others will react when they see beyond the exterior maintained doors. The chaos waiting inside.
But, maybe it’s time to let a little bit of that go.
Maybe we need to be about finding authentic.