I haven’t blogged much lately. I haven’t been feeling very sparkly or sassy. That makes me sad. That’s not who I am. But that’s real life. We struggle and things are not always perfect or how we want them to be.  We can accept these seasons and grow from them, or we can let these times bring us down. I am determined not to let it bring me down. I have too many blessings in my life, too many things to be thankful for, too many things to embrace.

I decided to take a month of intentional days to reflect, to get clarity and to clear my mind and hear from my Creator. Sometimes it takes more effort to listen to his voice. There is so much static noise all around me. But his is the most important voice. Sometimes you have to make room, and set things aside to see the things around you with discernment. Because the world can become jaded when you feel jaded.  I decided to go old school and journal every night (like with a pen and paper!) and reflect on one key thought each day that has impacted me. I’m on day 12 today. Here are a few of my scribbles from the past days:

  • We don’t always understand and we have massive questions but we still trust God. This has to do with loss. I feel like there has been so much loss over the past few months. I don’t understand it. I don’t like it. It hurts. But I have to trust through it. Without trust, there is no hope. I can’t live without hope. So I trust.
  • Some things run really deep, and sometimes you have to let them out. This has to do with a really ugly snotty cry I did one day last week. It just came out of the very depths of me. In a somewhat awkward setting.  But sometimes you just need to cry. And it’s ok. Next time, hopefully I will be wearing waterproof mascara!
  • My physical self needs as much care as my emotional self. A couple days (until it got freezing cold again) of running last week made me feel so good. It’s like my winter inside body was so happy to feel the outside pavement pounding pain again! And nothing like fresh air in the lungs to make you feel alive!
  • I can’t make things happen. I have to wait for the doors to open. Otherwise I might kick one in with my foot, and it will be the wrong one. You shouldn’t have to beat down doors. I don’t want to walk through a door I busted into. Trust that the doors of your dreams will open when it’s time. This involves patience. I’m not always patient. I’m trying.
  • After my faith, my family is the most important thing to me. Nothing I am doing is as important as them. I need to celebrate them everyday. I also fully believe my kids will do greater things in their life than I ever will. I need to be the best support to them that I can be.
  • Sometimes surprises show up at your front door and you know that it’s God smiling down at you, reminding you that he listens to the desires of your heart!

These are just a few of my reflections. It’s amazing what happens when you commit yourself to intentionally listening. I start each day with anticipation – open to receive.

That is when his voice becomes clear.

That is when my desires become less, and his plan becomes greater.

That is when I rest in the assurance of his promises to me.

That is when I have peace. And peace is good.

So, here I still. Listening still.

5 thoughts on “Seeking.”

  1. Shelly,
    I can so relate to what you have written here. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing with such openess and candor. It helps so much to know that others have these same feelings and experiences. Though each journey is different, we can still come alongside one another and inspire one another with hope that we share through our Lord. Can I use your blog for an AGC Prayer Guide?


  2. Thank you Shelly, you have no idea how I needed this today. I’m so glad that our Lord and Savior knows the rest of the story, so I wait for Him.


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