It wasn’t really that long ago when there were toys strewn across the house, peanut-free lunches to be made, Disney channel shows to be watched and trips to Dollerama for “just 3 things.”
It wasn’t that long ago.
Most of the time I’m stuck in the mom-time-capsule of the past, wondering if I’m weird because I still post things about my adult kids. Even thinking maybe it’s odd to write about them still.
Bear with me kids, I don’t always know how to parent in this season.
I promise I won’t get tik tok, but I still love a good selfie with you.
I’ve been through what seems like all the stages of letting go, but this one – this season feels different.
I watch my sweet girl go off in her rose-gold car to school, growing more confident each week. Finally deciding she likes coffee, staying out late with her friends, walking into the purpose for her life.
My son, about to graduate from university with the whole world ahead of him. Still spilling drinks everywhere. Confident in who he is, what he believes and knowing the things that are important to him.
And while most of the time my heart wants to burst with pride, sometimes my eyes leak a little bit. Tonight I found a superman cape in a bin I clearly haven’t cleaned out in a long time, and my heart skipped a little beat. It’s probably been in there forever, because who doesn’t want their kids to always stay close? Who doesn’t wish for one more day of superhero adventures and princess parties? And while we’ve never been perfect, we’ve always been us.
And while most of the time, I just love that they are both still home – I wonder how much longer I’ll get to hold them close.
In the blink of an eye things can change.
Relationships begin, jobs come, adventures start and there is a whole lot of life-living to do.
And it won’t always be with me.
And that’s ok.
Brings the good kind of heart pain.
Because you want the world for your kids – and you know they will have to leave you to find it.
I remember almost 24 years ago after we got married, just back from our honeymoon. I went and picked up a few last things from my parent’s house. I was leaving, I was off to start my new life. I can close my eyes right now and go back to that moment, and remember standing on the garage doorstep and hugging my mom. She cried and cried, and we held each other. Sobbing because we’d had a whole lifetime together, and we both knew it would never be the same. And while it was all so very good, it was also so very hard to let go.
Isn’t that what parenting is all about?
I remember that moment all the time. I remember when I hug my girl 20 times a day (she loves a good hug). I remember when my son is home long enough for me to pull him close for a minute, before he’s off to the next thing.
I know there will be a day when it’s the last hug on the doorstep. When they will go, and start their own adventures.
Somedays I don’t know if I’m their friend, or their parent.
Or the most annoying person around.
I do know that I love them with all I have.
That’s a part of parenting that never changes.
So, I’m going to keep that little superman cape tucked in the hall closet with the mittens.
The princess cups will always be on the top corner shelf in the kitchen.
If that makes me weird, so be it – I’ve never been normal anyway.
And as far as the future goes?
I’ll just keep loving my kids with my whole heart, for their whole lives.
Knowing things will change, but that I will always be their mom.
And they will always be the greatest gifts in my life.