Dear Mama,
It’s almost Mother’s Day weekend and this year it feels harder than most. While I see you often, most days you seem farther away.
I want to grab onto you and pull you back.
This walking loss is hard to comprehend and I try to face it all with a brave heart, but sometimes I’ll find a quiet corner in a random parking lot and let everything out with a good cry. A few weeks ago, I was on Facebook and realized that I had years of past messages from you that I had never thought to go back to. I spent a long time reading through those messages and it brought me so much comfort to see your words. To read that you loved me, that you were proud of me. To hear you talk about all the grandkids and our family. I could hear your voice saying you were praying for me. It was the most beautiful and the most painful two hours I’d spent in a long time. I read through all those messages and imagined we were talking in person. It was a cherished gift, that made my heart both ache and fill with love all at once.
I love you my mama.
I was thinking this week about what present I could get you for Mother’s Day. I know you love flowers and you always say they are so pretty, so I’ll bring you a beautiful bouquet. Dad says you need some new pyjamas (he’s incredible and takes such good care of you), so I’ll go get the prettiest ones I can find. I think of all the things that you love and I want to surround you with what makes you happy.
As I was thinking about presents, I started thinking about presence. About the things that money can’t buy.
I thought about all you’ve given me over the years, and how your presence has been one of the greatest gifts in my life.
I can look around our home and see the things that I do, because they are things that you did. I always have a cute centrepiece on the kitchen table. Because you did. I always clean up the dishes right after dinner. Because you did. I have teabags in a little jar on the counter. Because you did. I have a weird Tupperware flour-shaker to make gravy that always makes a mess. Because you did. I hate crumbs on the counter, love hot drinks in a pretty cup, decorate for seasons and make hello dollies every Christmas. Because you did.
Your presence is my life is strong.
The woman that I am. The wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and everything else that I try to be. I’m always wanting to be more like you. My faith and my passions. My longing to love other people well. All those parts of me have the fingerprints of your presence that have touched my life all these years.
I want to be to others what you have always been to me. You’ve set a high bar, but I’ll keep trying.
And I think maybe now the best gift I can give back to you is presence too.
So, I’ll sit with you and hold your hand as often as I can.
I’ll stare deep in your eyes and tell you I love you.
Play the music that makes your smile.
Walk beside you and hold onto you tight so you’re not afraid.
You and me.
Is what you say sometimes when we are sitting together.
I’ll keep on saying it to you.
You and me.
Always on this road.
No matter where it goes.
We will go together.
Giving the gifts of presence.
You to me, and me to you.
Because you did.
Happy Mother’s Day Mama,
I love you.
Absolutely beautiful Shelly! I am crying remembering my Mom-in heaven 12 years next month. She was amazing too. I am blessed. I think your Mom was one of the first to welcome me to Faith. A loving, giving lady. We cannot understand why bad things happen to wonderful people-especially those we love dearly. My Dad too. Our Father God promises never to leave us, & I believe He goes through these times with each of us whether our minds are clear or gradually losing clarity. God bless you as you travel this time with your sweet Mama.
Shelly thank you sooo much for sharing your heart and your love for your mom and each other. You are a gifted writer…you made me cry…but tears of comfort and wonderful memories. My mom has been gone to her ‘home’ as she would say 8 years in October. And I too would sit and visit with her just to be together. And many times would leave her and cry all the way home. I have a wonderful memory of mom and I walking (mom in her scooter) to visit with your mom one beautiful summer evening for a cup of tea and chatting in your kitchen. Then you and your mom showed us your little pink knitted hat that she got you in. For some reason I remember that visit as if it happened yesterday💕 I think of you and your mom often. Shelly continue to write and encourage others and I will continue to pray for you. Love Sharon
Thanks so much Sharon. I have so many special memories of your mom too! We’ve both been blessed with wonderful moms and legacy xo Thanks for reading
Blessed to have amazing moms! Bless you Joy xo
Shelly thank you sooo much for sharing your heart and your love for your mom and each other. You are a gifted writer…you made me cry…but tears of comfort and wonderful memories. My mom has been gone to her ‘home’ as she would say 8 years in October. And I too would sit and visit with her just to be together. And many times would leave her and cry all the way home. I have a wonderful memory of mom and I walking (mom in her scooter) to visit with your mom one beautiful summer evening for a cup of tea and chatting in your kitchen. Then you and your mom showed us your little pink knitted hat that she got you in. For some reason I remember that visit as if it happened yesterday💕 I think of you and your mom often. Shelly continue to write and encourage others and I will continue to pray for you. Love Sharon
Beautifully said. My heart aches for you, as you go through this horrible disease with your momma. I always loved your mom. She always greeted me with such love and sincerity, like she had known me my whole life. A true woman of God <3
Thanks my friend xoxo
Beautiful Shelly as you are🌸💕💕💐🌹🌻🌷🌻🌻
Priceless ❤️
most precious Mamma of yours is still blessing us…. through you. She gave us a gift that keeps on giving. Your words are piercing, raw, and truth and full of LOVE . We often say “there are no words to express ourselves” but you do so eloquently every time you spill your heart out to us. XXXOOO thank you
Thank you for this! xoxo Much love
Shelley:
I just looked you up bc I met your dad shopping today with your mom. This was my first Mother’s Day without my precious mom. She left a legacy of love and so much of what I am today is because of her. I loved your mom and her leading the Women at Faith for so many years. She had so much love for so many. Her legacy lives on through you. Appreciated your beautiful words. You express your feelings so well! Bethany has so many wonderful memories of your leadership when she was a young teen and is now a teacher. You touched both Bethany and Danielle and I am forever grateful for the great leadership they had in their formative years. Praying for you and your dad. Life sometimes throws us a curve ball we weren’t planning on. I am grateful for Romans 5:3-5 we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, Hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Stand firm in the promises of God. They will carry you through every storm of life!
Brenda
Brenda, thanks for all these kind words – they meant so much to me. I’m grateful for a legacy through my mom that nothing can take away. Much love for your family over the years – precious memories and times together! Thanks for reaching out. Blessings xo
You are blessed