Every time around this year, as the summer season ends and I prepare myself for the next stage of letting go, I remember something that my son asked me.
We were on vacation, enjoying some downtime and his question was one that I had never even considered.
“Did you know the last time that you held me when I was little, would be the last time?”
His words blew my mind.
Made me want to cry.
Inspired me to try to pick him up on the stoney path where we stood, so that I would without a doubt remember the last time that I held him. But he’s over 6 feet tall, and I need my back for a few more years.
I just stood there, a lump forming in my throat.
I couldn’t remember the last time I held him because I probably didn’t realize it would be the final time I’d pull him up off the floor into my arms. He was growing and moving along in life. Holding just naturally transitioned to other expressions of care and affection. Time goes by so fast, kids physically grow, mom’s arms get smaller and life never stops.
We’re always moving from stage to stage.
Living from moment to moment.
His question. It made me reflect then and I still think about it now.
Not to be over-dramatic, but we never know when lasts are going to happen.
I thought of other moments I never knew were ending.
The last time my mom would be able to pick up the phone and call me.
The final hugs and goodbye at our front door to a precious girl we loved.
The tearful kiss left on my Gramma’s cheek in the hospital.
The abrupt end of joy found in a job I adored.
The last visit to a place that deeply mattered to me.
I didn’t know those were the lasts.
What would have I done different if I had known?
What would I have said?
Would I have ever been able to let go?
Every day we live moments that are important to us. We don’t think about moments ending, because we’re too busy living in the moment.
Moments make our life.
I want to love with all I have, so that however the moments go I have peace and hope. I want to be able to gather precious minutes into special heart-places where what I felt in those moments will last forever. The good moments, the hard moments, the joy moments, the pain moments.
I don’t want to forget or lose any of those seconds, or regret what I didn’t do. I want to look back on every tick of the clock as part of beautiful stories written through faithful life-living.
Woven with never-ending Grace brought together to create my Maker-written story.
One day I had my little boy up in my arms, and then I put him down on the floor and I never picked him up again. It’s ok that I never knew that, or realized that because I likely would have tried to hold on forever. Instead, I just kept living through his moments with him, and that will continue through his whole life.
There’s nothing we can hold onto forever.
Everyday our moments change.
Don’t wish them away.
Don’t hold onto them too tight.
Set them down when you must, and pick up the new.
First and lasts.
Beginnings and ends.
Gather them into precious places, write them down in memory ink and impress them onto your heart. Wrap your arms around them and pull them close.
All your moments matter.