It was my favourite season of falling leaves, lattes that taste like pumpkin, and trees filled with apples. I was excited for what was ahead in the next few months and I walked into work one morning in my cute boots and scarf all ready to take on fall. Little did I know what the day ahead would bring.
“We’re letting you go. We don’t have a place for you. We can’t keep you on.”
My season suddenly changed.
I was in a role that I loved, living in my creative, happy space. Continually learning new things, while being totally stretched out of my comfort zone. It wasn’t all perfect but it was a challenge that brought growth to my life. I’d never lost a job before, and right away my deep buried feelings of rejection came to the surface.
I’m not good enough.
I’m a joke.
I don’t belong anywhere.
There’s something about being told you aren’t needed that cuts to the core. When you’ve always struggled with finding your place, finding yourself without one brings a deep sense of loss. I didn’t know what to do so I prayed for direction and I felt like God asked me to do something rather strange.
Walk? Why would I walk? Shouldn’t I be out looking for direction and making contacts, polishing up my resume? I need to start planning my next steps. I don’t have time to walk.
He spoke to me again.
Those are the steps I want you to take.
So, I did.
Each day I went out into the streets of my neighbourhood and put my feet to the ground. I loved the cool fall air, beautiful colours and soon I became one with the season. I prayed, I cried, I cleared my mind, I did some dreaming, I took pretty Instagram pictures and soon this time alone became the most treasured part of my day.
I kept going all month. 30 days of walks. As I travelled down paths and went through parks, I began to see the season change. I saw the leaves transform and stand out in a brilliant display. Slowly after all that beauty, I watched those same leaves fall to the ground to prepare for the next season ahead. It seemed a shame to see them all lying in the dirt. But even then, they looked incredible as they spread out all over the streets like fall’s glorious confetti.
The season changed in front of my eyes.
I understood why God wanted me to go on this journey. He wanted me to physically walk the experience that mirrored what I was going through in my life. He wanted me to understand that things change, and that even beautiful seasons end. I came to an understanding and acceptance in my heart. I wasn’t a failure; I was being prepared for what was ahead. I even felt excitement for the future.
Sometimes we have to let go of a season.
Sometimes we let things fall, so that we can prepare for what is ahead.
Sometimes we hit the dirt, and think it’s done.
But it’s still a brilliant display.
The letting go, is so that new things can come.
I walked for 30 days.
Watched some beautiful things fall away.
Looked for my new purpose.
Pulled up what I had planted and got ready for what was ahead.
A season had ended, but there was hope.
A new one was on it’s way.
Ecclesiastes. 3:1-2, “To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.” (ESV)